The Razor’s Edge: When Did I Start Growing a Beard???

If puberty is supposed to be the blossoming into womanhood, menopause seems to be the slow decline into manhood. Just about the time we finish MENstruating, we go through MENopause and I, for one, am not cool with the prospect of facial hair.

A lot of us have dealt with the dreaded mustache for years, but what is going on with the man beard? Good lord. Our eyebrows seem to be falling out but they’re landing all over our chins and jawlines!

A friend of mine messaged me recently and said, “I read that it’s ok to shave your face for whiskers.” This message was quickly followed by, “I’m getting whiskers.” And then, “That freaks me OUT!”

ugh… It’s the menopause gift that keeps on giving. Facial hair. Yes, you can wax and many women do that for the bit of a peach fuzz mustache that they have. I have never been one of those women. I waxed. Once. It was my hoo-haw (yes, I’m oversharing here) but D.A.M.N. First, it hurt like a mother, and second, I was left with a very angry hoo-haw. So the thought of going in and having that done to my face??? Aw, hell no.

Beyond waxing, what are the other options that women usually use for the mustache that could now be used for their new goatee? Well you can…

  • pluck – Ow, just…ow. And, really, you run a higher risk of ingrown hairs. Lovely.
  • threading – I’m not paying anyone to use dental floss to yank out that hair, thank you. I’ve got teenagers who would love the opportunity to do that to me at home for free.
  • use a cream depilatory like Nair – I have another friend with an amazing chemical burn story. True, she no longer had a mustache. And I’m sure that the giant scab she had across her upper lip wasn’t nearly as noticeable as the ‘stache.
  • electrolysis – They put a needle thing down into the hair follicle to electrocute it and then pluck it out. I’ve seen horror movies more tame. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Plus, it can leave scars. NOT a plus in my book.
  • lasers – Lasers? On my face? As one dermatologist put it, “Thirty minutes of numbing cream will make the treatment comfortable and pain-free.” If I need 30 minutes of numbing cream prior to a laser treatment on my face, you’re going to have to pay ME.
  • shaving – Easy but, according to some in the beauty industry, it’s “unfeminine”. Yeah, well, so is having a beard.

So what did I tell my new friend the billy goat (I’m not being mean; she said I could call her that). Exactly this…

There is hope. You no longer have to fear being eaten by a troll that lives under a bridge. Yes, it’s perfectly acceptable and effective to shave your lady beard as I’ve been shaving my lady ‘stache ever since high school. Start out slow until you are comfortable with the angles of your face – remember all those times you cut your knee or ankle when you were first learning to shave your legs? Yee-ouch – and, for me at least, a razor that is not brand new is just as effective and less likely to make you look like Edward Scissorhands is your dermatologist.

And the whole “it will grow back thicker and coarser” line of thinking? It’s nonsense. If it were true, imagine what your legs and armpits would look like today. You would need an arborist with a Black and Decker weed whacker to help you take care of those areas if it were true.

One last tip…do your skin care routine before you shave. The hair will be a bit softer, and your skin will be in good shape. You don’t want to over-irritate the skin there. Remember that burning sensation that Sea Breeze felt like that we were all convinced was “pore activation”? You don’t want that. It’s called burning. And it’s not good.

So, dig out that old Flicker and shave on, ladies! It will be our secret!

~ Karen

PS. That amazingly beautiful troll and billy goat illustration was done be Jim Madsen. You should check out his other artwork on his blog because he is truly gifted and does some out of this world, beautifully whimsical stuff!

 

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